the birth of daze and tomorrows unfolding window

I started this blog to chronicle not only my life, but my personal feelings. Early posts indicate my affinity for the pursuance of a dream. No one ever really dies. She was/ is smart. The kinda smart that is able to change the world around her... And in the face I found so tender, I began my quest for Zelda. I got the idea that she, like many bloomers, wasn't always celebrated for her looks - ravishing dark skin and natural hair. Her look has grown on the world. And in step with the cosmopolitan, she was seen in gorgeous locks and later in a short curly do. Yes, her flavors always spoke to me. And I smile a little as I reminisce.

Life got tough and all I know is that she adapted. That same spirit of internal competition and intelligence garnered her much success at an early age and I have no proof - or doubt - that she is still at the leading edge of the curve. She was quiet (at times) and a visionary, I admired her stylistic details. That same drive may have contributed to the downfall of our encounter.

My readers, that encounter forever changed me and though I have moved on with my life, I allow my honest self to never forget the world series that wasn't.


Perhaps liking someone to her core scared her. My sister expressed similar sentiments over a guy she "could no longer pursue." And at the core of it was his ability to alter her consciousness. To get to her. And this frightened her to def. She described him as terrible...

Well, some five years later - I feel compelled to read from an archived chapter. For a day. I really don't know, but hear glimpses of the story in Janelle Monae's Archandroid. And there is danger in my eyes, for I have to go myself and find the other side of being 'Locked Inside." The greatest gift I've received is hearing my story unfold in music. I will continue to listen and accept the captivation before me as God's confirmation of LOVE.

So much going on with school and a new special genius has found her way to my rescue. And I pray for her. She is more deserving of happiness than many I've known. I do not pity her - I'm amazed! She is worthy of exploration - which I could see taking a lifetime...

Just in time to see a bulbous purple cloud in the distance from my balcony float amongst the whispy (possible cirrus) tide in the sky... and for a moment to look into my past and walk into my future.

Sitting Tall (Studying Hard)

i had an encounter with my future today!

i was in office max making copies of the brachial plexus and was questioned about the illustration by a customer

I told him I was in PT school.

the older East Indian looking man inquired about my studies seeking advise about some discomfort he was having in the back of his legs/thigh region.

even though my education is in its early phase I was called upon by the community to assist in helping out. i offered my free consultation which included asking about the chair he usually sits in at home before feeling discomfort... I questioned him about the seat's depth, specifically b/c he has having soreness in the back of his thigh. lo and behold, he confirmed that when sitting near the back of the chair, he felt discomfort, but when he sat at the end of the chair he felt fine. he also said he sleeps in the chair (at the back of the chair) and feels discomfort when he wakes up.

interestingly, I learned about such discomfort when fitting patients for wheel chairs...
how interesting that I was tested in a real life situation and was able to use my limited knowledge to potentially confirm some symptoms and or causation!

I've got a while...and a long green mile to go, but I'm on my way!

2points for learning!

setting the pace

lucid dreams every night... i guess its the new bed
studying everyday (i pray it stays in my head!)

I'm being fed by new lessons
the school is great
no time to wait, 1st class at eight!

I'll holla!

students

the first day of grad school proved both interesting and challenging.

as to prepare us for the road that lives ahead, we were introduced to medical physiology, skills, and massage as mostly an introductory greeting to the modus operandi of the university and the specific culture of each course.

physiology has some very specific content and we begin our lecture on the electrical excitation of the cardiovascular system.

skills is a course that teaches about some of the functional duties of the clinician

massage is self explanatory.


I am meeting many of my 65 peers slowly yet, with smiles.

we are a unique bunch and i hope to form lasting bonds, as we undoubtedly need the support and assistance of each other. there are benefits to us all doing well, besides the obvious - i hope and seek to hold up my end of the bargain.

stay tuned space cadets... our flight is just beginning...

-d

Houses

once upon a melody...
stillness
feather breaths protrude
children
with big city sneakers
disguised as loafers
when the dance is over

between the blade and the dew

find morning a comical chaser
to a deftly ordered evening

what will you do when
the heaviness
of houses
captures you...

"Don't Move"

Grey's Anatomy

Transitions... the grey area between two definging phases of life. And of course, I'm faced with potentially life altering decisions to make in the midst of instability.

I don't feel pulled in different directions as much as I feel the heaviness of my security. Each decision I make can make or break relationships which strangely seem to be the most dynamic and "unimportant" aspects of my young life. To Be, or Not to Be...

And why again should I have an answer for that question? A few moons ago I was open to what/whomever the Universe provided. I was feeling lonely, feelin my "swag", and feelin like I deserved more. And more arrived in my life in the form of sistas. I guess confidence is detectable. For so long, I played the quiet role. Much to the disbelief of quality sistas...one asked me, "why [I] wasn't [swimming] with the earthy chicks," in the abundant land of Atlanta. My best answer came from our literal interaction...hearts are fragile/male energy is "confirming," leading, and the decision maker. So, I was smartly avoiding female contact in both body and soul. The little taste I'd received of my own heart's longing made me no stranger to the swell of emotions that come from meeting a "potential," but no more prepared to be the "busy one" with little time for a commitment.

I surprised myself.

From the Grey Anatomy of the man I'm becoming, I find both flaw, virtue, and flavas. I seldom address the needs of my loins and safely so. When I decide its time for me to be affectionate it is a confusing matter. Hearts are undoubetdly in the mix, so a departure from my norms to satisfy my soul involves duality.

In short, I can be the "bad guy." But, there is so much good in me, in my intentions, in my focus, that I'll risk - not every person on this earth singing praises to God for me. I have to accept and am accepting some people are just not for me and that's okay. Some interactions are flawed no matter the intention. Physical intimacy outside of a committed relationship is totally grey.

I've learned from enough conversations from sistas that this grey area can easily lead to unbalanced emotional outpourings. I'll try to be my best...If I fall short.
Blame me. Forgive me. Hear me.

But, a brotha on his way will be highly sought after... I'm sure its just begun.

So, to my future self, be prepared... what you do today with ultimately change tomorrow.

(picking up my nut$z)

And I'm interested in the future

Saltwater Taffy

I was stretchin out... spreading my wild side just before hunkering down for school. I thought it would be fun, ya know? Just have a lil look around.Maybe make a new friend in the process. Aquaintence was our only refuge. She with a mouth full of pizzaz, me drippin artistic/earth tone business casual...the stuff dreams are made of - but I didn't really know it. I was just hangin out to dry... expecting Grad school to be the most UNEVENTFUL period of my social life. Then this familiar sound cought my ear. That ol skool Baduizm - the exact flavor I craved and scoured the professional scene for - naturals, african prints, or ankh earrings... some remnant of The Motherland still bustin' out the seams of some young professional.

Afro-Classy / Sophistican ? (not sure if they have a term for it yet, but I call it sexy)

I was just about cool with everything, packing my unrequited emotions up and moving to Florida with a chip on my shoulder and a future in the balance with every exam... my dreams resting until I assumed my final professional title of Doc of Physical Therapy - then (and only then) might I have a chance to date and be taken seriously ... then and only then might I reunite with the ghost of Christmas past and actually release the scrooge plaguing my hetero-sexuallity.

I was pretty much optimistically opting out of an emotional anything before this ol lady (32) walked into my life.

Rollercoasters and taffy seem to mix, usually the taffy is best after the ride - in this case there was taffy both before and after the wild ride. We spoke on the phone and flirted. We composed letters and mailed them. Then we scheduled a date. The date lasted all weekend and before you start salivating for x-rated details, I'll tell you it wasn't my best work at all. I think it was a combination of EVERYTHING - the timing, my past decision to move with a clear conscience and heart, the stubborn unrequited pacemaker, and the sheer speed of sexual tension oozing even Stevie Wonder got-down... It got me, I broke character and thought: She's cool, familiar, she's diggin me, why not let her help with that hump in-ya back? Tru she was gettin a lil attached VERY EARLY (2months of chatting/ letters) and her "HEART WAS IN IT," but she was a big girl right? Older able to handle a lil weekend excursion and keep it movin the way it was.

I had a window seat on my flight and returned home happy.

Then, the roller coaster cought up with the taffy. I think she got sick of all the sugar. Sugar cane sweet tooth but, mine wasn't for sale. I offer samples of taffy... a lil somethin for after life's wild rides. Hopefully, what I offer now is satisfying.


I really had no idea I was more than a sweet treat to you. I still don't know what to do... I understand your frustration...I hope you understand mine. You've earned a place in my blog and that, miss lady is no-small feat.

My heart lives in prose.

Taffy! Taffy! Makes you happy, It's not a meal, but sure makes you happy!