Grey's Anatomy

Transitions... the grey area between two definging phases of life. And of course, I'm faced with potentially life altering decisions to make in the midst of instability.

I don't feel pulled in different directions as much as I feel the heaviness of my security. Each decision I make can make or break relationships which strangely seem to be the most dynamic and "unimportant" aspects of my young life. To Be, or Not to Be...

And why again should I have an answer for that question? A few moons ago I was open to what/whomever the Universe provided. I was feeling lonely, feelin my "swag", and feelin like I deserved more. And more arrived in my life in the form of sistas. I guess confidence is detectable. For so long, I played the quiet role. Much to the disbelief of quality sistas...one asked me, "why [I] wasn't [swimming] with the earthy chicks," in the abundant land of Atlanta. My best answer came from our literal interaction...hearts are fragile/male energy is "confirming," leading, and the decision maker. So, I was smartly avoiding female contact in both body and soul. The little taste I'd received of my own heart's longing made me no stranger to the swell of emotions that come from meeting a "potential," but no more prepared to be the "busy one" with little time for a commitment.

I surprised myself.

From the Grey Anatomy of the man I'm becoming, I find both flaw, virtue, and flavas. I seldom address the needs of my loins and safely so. When I decide its time for me to be affectionate it is a confusing matter. Hearts are undoubetdly in the mix, so a departure from my norms to satisfy my soul involves duality.

In short, I can be the "bad guy." But, there is so much good in me, in my intentions, in my focus, that I'll risk - not every person on this earth singing praises to God for me. I have to accept and am accepting some people are just not for me and that's okay. Some interactions are flawed no matter the intention. Physical intimacy outside of a committed relationship is totally grey.

I've learned from enough conversations from sistas that this grey area can easily lead to unbalanced emotional outpourings. I'll try to be my best...If I fall short.
Blame me. Forgive me. Hear me.

But, a brotha on his way will be highly sought after... I'm sure its just begun.

So, to my future self, be prepared... what you do today with ultimately change tomorrow.

(picking up my nut$z)

And I'm interested in the future