The Feeling is Mutual

In high school I read a story of a struggling husband and wife who loved each other very much. Individually, each sacrificed what was closest to their person to satisfy the desire of their mate. In the end the gift each ended up purchasing for the other was of little use because, as I recall the wife wanted lovely gold hair pins and sold her hair to buy her husband's gift. The same was true of the husband, though I do not recall his desire or sacrifice.

This story reminds me of a like concession I made with a friend of mine, about a year ago. Though we are not married, I compare our sacrifices to please the other and the ultimate show of mutual respect, I find relation.

We dated for only a month. Our first at Apache Cafe, a popular hang-out of independent Atlanta soul, hip hop, jazz, and experimental artists. She's never been there and agreed to meet me there, in early December 2006. I paid her admission to the club, we settling in the rear of the club for a superior view of the stage, considering all tables were occupied and the heavy volume of traffic between the wait staff and shifty patrons.

At the end of the night we shared a basket of chicken wings and fries. Over our scrumptious meal from JR Crickets, she informed me of her own poetic abilities and part of my heart leaped at such a rare find indeed. Not only was she the splitting image of the woman I'd dreamed of and prayed for, she was creative and a poet like myself! I think that along with her perfect five foot height, glasses, and dreads, warranted my first sexual come on at the close of date # 1. Typical loser move, but I felt the space cool enough for a lil innuendo and jest. She laughed. Wow. My male friends would say I, "had her," then but, I was on a mission for more than the panties...especially not on our first date.

We had second, third, and fourth dates... I taught her chess. Turns out she's wealthy. Turns out we have real chemistry. We prepared meals for each other, we had our first kiss towards the end of the month and she initiated it! There was lots of friendly flirting and some exciting revelations about each other... she was a "virgin," and I hadn't had intercourse "in over a year."
We teased each other with intellectual humor and made advances in the womb of soul- food and music.

We made out in semi-public places... We talked on the phone for hours. We danced. I played jazz for her and an Outkast remix cd. She saw me perform twice and I caught the tail end of a fashion show her line was featured in. I remember that night very well. She gave me a 3am cut-off and I stayed till 4:00...heck we were making out at 3:30...I was busy.

Was it that day sex really came up? Throughout the entire courtship we flirted heavy but didn't take any of our physical explorations nearly as far. It became intriguing...suspense like before bustin a nut, as with most couples it started when we were both fully clothed and being honest and comical with the other. This particular night/morning I verbally expressed my desire to bed with her. She resoundingly said, "No." Even asking me not to pressure her. Though feeling a little bruise on my ego, I agreed w/o further question/explanation. She must have picked up on my sincerity because we got into our make out routine not missing a beat, well, you know what I mean!

Minutes later i had her shirt off and was kissing her chest. I remember joking about being an-equal opportunity breast nibbler, when greeting Ms. Left for a few moments more than I intended, then I made my switch to Ms.Right... ah yes, the joys of 2nd base!

Then, a page out of my own imagination ... I wanted to communicate to this dazzling sista who much I wanted her panties. So, in keeping my word I didn't muscle, I used physical poetry... In the south we call em draws... And wanting the draws was the same as wanting to go all the way.. So, I reached behind her, found the small of her back, reached down and found the undergarments I was "looking" for. I gave them the slightest pull and to my surprise got the same pull in return!

Here is where things get interesting. After a couple of deep kisses I got up, walked across her space and sat on the stairs, holding myself.

She was as surprised at me gettign up as I was of her pulling my shorts in return.

But, my word was on the line. And the way things were going, I was sure to have plenty of time to finesse her the way I wanted to, without time constraint.

About two weeks one meal, and a few dates, and no sex later she broke things off...

Though I've seen her a few times since, it hasn't been like our chess dates where we waged war against each other in fun. I didn't quite know what to feel. She called it a time thing...where I became some distraction from her getting her work done. I suggested we write letters or just do text messages. She said, "I didn't really think about that..." I guess my solution for her made up-mind made her exit strategy seem flawed as George Bush's from Iraq. I even joined her church but decided that wasn't the best way to maintain respect.

To me, after all the flirting and arousal she stormed in me, I put it all to the side when she included "please" in her "don't pressure me" statement. And part of me wants to believe that after all my sincere gestures and our conversations and chemistry, that I was a worthy candidate for her 1st.

I don't think it's over, now a year later, though she likes to maintain the power in not communicating with me except on holidays much to the chagrin of my friends and family, and slightly slighted ego.

"The more I learn about love it's like a clash of the titans," says emcee Vast Aire Kramer of Cannibal Ox in The F Word. I conquer.

When there is mutual sacrifice that blindly parades itself before the open hands of the public... the emperor ceases to wear "new" clothes, but garments are passed out from the crowd to the marchers graciously. I hope to continue this story and thank you for your time and patience with me sharing this story.

In Closing, "Ooooh ooh Oooh! There's something in the air..."