The Feeling is Mutual

In high school I read a story of a struggling husband and wife who loved each other very much. Individually, each sacrificed what was closest to their person to satisfy the desire of their mate. In the end the gift each ended up purchasing for the other was of little use because, as I recall the wife wanted lovely gold hair pins and sold her hair to buy her husband's gift. The same was true of the husband, though I do not recall his desire or sacrifice.

This story reminds me of a like concession I made with a friend of mine, about a year ago. Though we are not married, I compare our sacrifices to please the other and the ultimate show of mutual respect, I find relation.

We dated for only a month. Our first at Apache Cafe, a popular hang-out of independent Atlanta soul, hip hop, jazz, and experimental artists. She's never been there and agreed to meet me there, in early December 2006. I paid her admission to the club, we settling in the rear of the club for a superior view of the stage, considering all tables were occupied and the heavy volume of traffic between the wait staff and shifty patrons.

At the end of the night we shared a basket of chicken wings and fries. Over our scrumptious meal from JR Crickets, she informed me of her own poetic abilities and part of my heart leaped at such a rare find indeed. Not only was she the splitting image of the woman I'd dreamed of and prayed for, she was creative and a poet like myself! I think that along with her perfect five foot height, glasses, and dreads, warranted my first sexual come on at the close of date # 1. Typical loser move, but I felt the space cool enough for a lil innuendo and jest. She laughed. Wow. My male friends would say I, "had her," then but, I was on a mission for more than the panties...especially not on our first date.

We had second, third, and fourth dates... I taught her chess. Turns out she's wealthy. Turns out we have real chemistry. We prepared meals for each other, we had our first kiss towards the end of the month and she initiated it! There was lots of friendly flirting and some exciting revelations about each other... she was a "virgin," and I hadn't had intercourse "in over a year."
We teased each other with intellectual humor and made advances in the womb of soul- food and music.

We made out in semi-public places... We talked on the phone for hours. We danced. I played jazz for her and an Outkast remix cd. She saw me perform twice and I caught the tail end of a fashion show her line was featured in. I remember that night very well. She gave me a 3am cut-off and I stayed till 4:00...heck we were making out at 3:30...I was busy.

Was it that day sex really came up? Throughout the entire courtship we flirted heavy but didn't take any of our physical explorations nearly as far. It became intriguing...suspense like before bustin a nut, as with most couples it started when we were both fully clothed and being honest and comical with the other. This particular night/morning I verbally expressed my desire to bed with her. She resoundingly said, "No." Even asking me not to pressure her. Though feeling a little bruise on my ego, I agreed w/o further question/explanation. She must have picked up on my sincerity because we got into our make out routine not missing a beat, well, you know what I mean!

Minutes later i had her shirt off and was kissing her chest. I remember joking about being an-equal opportunity breast nibbler, when greeting Ms. Left for a few moments more than I intended, then I made my switch to Ms.Right... ah yes, the joys of 2nd base!

Then, a page out of my own imagination ... I wanted to communicate to this dazzling sista who much I wanted her panties. So, in keeping my word I didn't muscle, I used physical poetry... In the south we call em draws... And wanting the draws was the same as wanting to go all the way.. So, I reached behind her, found the small of her back, reached down and found the undergarments I was "looking" for. I gave them the slightest pull and to my surprise got the same pull in return!

Here is where things get interesting. After a couple of deep kisses I got up, walked across her space and sat on the stairs, holding myself.

She was as surprised at me gettign up as I was of her pulling my shorts in return.

But, my word was on the line. And the way things were going, I was sure to have plenty of time to finesse her the way I wanted to, without time constraint.

About two weeks one meal, and a few dates, and no sex later she broke things off...

Though I've seen her a few times since, it hasn't been like our chess dates where we waged war against each other in fun. I didn't quite know what to feel. She called it a time thing...where I became some distraction from her getting her work done. I suggested we write letters or just do text messages. She said, "I didn't really think about that..." I guess my solution for her made up-mind made her exit strategy seem flawed as George Bush's from Iraq. I even joined her church but decided that wasn't the best way to maintain respect.

To me, after all the flirting and arousal she stormed in me, I put it all to the side when she included "please" in her "don't pressure me" statement. And part of me wants to believe that after all my sincere gestures and our conversations and chemistry, that I was a worthy candidate for her 1st.

I don't think it's over, now a year later, though she likes to maintain the power in not communicating with me except on holidays much to the chagrin of my friends and family, and slightly slighted ego.

"The more I learn about love it's like a clash of the titans," says emcee Vast Aire Kramer of Cannibal Ox in The F Word. I conquer.

When there is mutual sacrifice that blindly parades itself before the open hands of the public... the emperor ceases to wear "new" clothes, but garments are passed out from the crowd to the marchers graciously. I hope to continue this story and thank you for your time and patience with me sharing this story.

In Closing, "Ooooh ooh Oooh! There's something in the air..."

ATL

Atlanta is a confused city with ancient trees and confederate moss still clinging to its lowly swaying branches. It is a city of quiet southern porches, ignited by infamy and the neo-neon lights off Peachtree. ATL is a pocket of america's progress and wealth at Atlantic Station while still home to the nations oldest public housing projects at University Homes. They'll be torn down soon.

I find myself in the heart of a battle of cardiac proportions. I a child of private school, she a quiet public school super star. I don't know what will come of this one month connection...that seeps into my being some 12 months later. "It's all about thee feeling...the differences between what you feel and whats real..."

I don't want no trouble. I want to talk to you. And until I'm ready I'll be holding on to this distance like it contains the secrets of the heart and future. I have come to touch with the source of this feeling and I attribute it to beyond the soft embrace of your hand on cheek. Though there is a beauty there, unfound else in the cosmos...I revel and host my own delicate court in the arena of life. hoping to make the most of these moments and remember those artifacts of the journey.

Thank you, I love you.

-delano

Inv ble Capes

Most humbly, I share with you one of my favorite discoveries of my inner being. After reaching un-hunger at a friends apt. I enjoyed "Geechie Funk," an instrumental song by Whiz of the Soul Students.

The song is fantastic. It awakens parts of your mind and maked you feel very sexy. As a matter of opinion and fact, I like jetting off to fantasies of love making( in your mind). Think mental masturbation... Choreography, like buildings begin as thoughts. Pristinely placed piano keys went for a walk through water and trees...ancient artifacts of our awakening.

Originally, there was chi, BA -KA - RA and AHHH I get it! What a great Idea! Remember that feeling? Awt- Ib we decree! Happiness, Love and Love Peace! Connectivity...Serenity Everlasting... perhapse I'm going, leaving you...we'll there are plenty of lessions to be shared...and now for the dismount:

Do you know about ultraviolet sun rays? The best way for me to describe the events of yesterday:
I served as a conduit for light of such a high vibration it was completely invisible...black light yes, but something happily and heavy, and withstanding. Like being the cousin of our young friend Yes.

"It is useful to study sets naively at an early stage of mathematics in order to develop facility for working with them. Furthermore, a firm grasp of set theoretical concepts from a naive standpoint is important as a first stage in understanding the motivation for the formal axioms of set theory."


furthermore, "Set formed part of the Ennead of Heliopolis, as a son of the earth (Geb) and sky (Nut), husband to the fertile land around the Nile (Nebt-het/Nephthys), and brother to death (Usir/Osiris), and life (Aset/Isis), and father of Anubis.
The word for desert, in Egyptian, was Desheret, which is very similar to the word for red, Desher (in fact, it has the appearance of a feminine form of the word for red). Consequently, Set became associated with things that were red, including people with red hair, which is not an attribute that Egyptians generally had, and so he became considered to also be a god of foreigners."

That is enough for today. Delano.

:c)

wow of now

what can i say? how can i begin to describe what i feel...

this week, this moment, these, the sumation of love has me captivated! It has been a wonderful week for the soul. And actually it is not finished. This sunday I will perform poetry AL's "The Piece," release and launch. An opportunity I garnered in the belly of soul, I am thankful for the stage, yet again! I have influence my friends for the better, I have helped my people with deals and safety. I have cared for the soul of others in instances. I hace received compensation in the midst of footsteps. I reach out and get back more than I could imagine. Saul Williams. Jodine. Two ladies, poetry...money! and love and love and love!!!

How can i repay, but with my actions all bestowed upon me. I am moving, yes! I am making progress. I am changing. I am believing and reading. I am receiving. I am giving! I am thankful for my mind and my fantasy. For my dreams, for my abilities to effect the state ofthings, my being open and Cancerious, positively! Tonight I smile... And hope to bask and return to this feeling, once again. I have vocabulary. I have ability. I AM! I shun negativity and receive... fruits of the Garden ! hip hop is still molding me better and celebrating along with me. Blessed poetry and music... A pen and movement... Fluidotherapy and this is the beginning of ... we'll see! :c)

-delano in atlantis rising!

Making Love Wait

December 2007 started beautifully. After snoozing, ahem, playing the morning away with my Rockstar, I napped, saw Janelle Monae and even danced at Beleza w/ LB.

The morning started early, bridging the night with a sexual expression unlike any I'd had before. Rockstar made breakfast for me. Beef sausage and waffles, the morning after Mo Betta Blues and taking my tie off. The movie was a "chick flick," with just enough eroticism and humor to satisfy both a hungry libido and a sweltering friendship. We tumbled about on her couch only wide enough for two stick figures, pawing over each other coolly, ultimately taking it to the floor. Through flirtatious jokes and keeping our agreement to not touch lips or parts, we played as lovers do before and after the fact, but not actually going there. It was beautiful. She called me beautiful. I remember her almost falling off the couch. Luckily I caught her by the waist and pulled her on top of me. So, there for the first time in 6 months she was comfortably on top of me. Her breasts were thick and the pressure felt great against my chest. I grabbed her by the waist. She told me to pull her closer, squeeze harder...I did and she began to press her hips into mine, "involuntarily." Naturally, my hands found the curves of her back and butt. The deeper she grinded the more I wanted her and delighted in the sensation of this woman's arousal. My hands were excited but moved smoothly, finding her hair. I gave it the perfect little pull and she let out a moan sending shock waves throughout our plutonic planet. I rose to attention...She looked at me, hungrily. I smiled back at her... we continued to touch. Soon we were on the larger couch in her living room, still playing, only this time with more leg room and plenty of dirty talk of wanting each other and tasteful complents...

We ended up sliding off the couch together. Man, that floor was cold, but the blankets and bodies were warm. We slept close without cuddling.

The morning after's games were stellar. Rockstar had a conference call... we exchanged semi-dirty notes while she spoke of websites and other particulars... I found this to be the perfect time to unbutton her shirt, a navy blue YSL man's shirt with iridescent stripes. Before throwing her D's in the wind, she caught me, smiling broadly with one-ear to the phone... though I'm sure she knew what I was doing the entire time she seemed surprised; how cool!
I stopped, patting her tummy while she finished the conversation. We doodled on each other's bodies...I drew paisley on her arm, she wrote
"mine" on my abdominal muscles, soon after lighting a candle and handing it to me.

While I held the candle, she scribed a note.
She asked me on paper if I'd ever poured hot wax on anyone...and expressed desire for me to pour wax on her. I hadent, but was kinda excited about her tolerance for pain and its associations with pleasure. Hm. Her boat was floating... The call ended and for her the wax thrill was gone, but just for a moment. Ol girl wanted to speak with a straight face while hot wax dripped onto her cool flesh. Imagine that!

Somehow I ended up face down on carpet (which didn't smell like cat at ALL) with my head covered with pillows and a throw blanket. My shirt was lifted and my body tingled, anticipating the heat. She started with her fingernails, igniting my spine. Then came the drop of fire. As soon as it hit my skin it started to cool.. but for those brief 2seconds I fought the urge to arch or turn from the sensation. As the liquid pooled in the small of my back, Rockstar spread the thickening substance into ribbons as it solidified. Then, this mama slowly pulled the stripes of now solid wax sending a sexy shiver all over my body. whoa. I like having hot wax poured on me... that was kinda neat! --I don't see myself making this a demand in my future intimate moments, but for my readers and my companion..it is a pleasurable experience I do not regret trying.

I turned over and was greeted by my Rockstar's smile. A few minutes passed. Soon she was checking out my stomach muscles and there she was, kissing, nibbling, sucking, and handling my chest. I'm actually pretty solid for 5'5'' and 115lbs. Whoa. My chest gets like no attention and I absolutely DUG all this tongue driven applause. She complemented my body. I was happy!

Soon, we were all over each other, hands and building up passion that seemed to start decades before our birth. The dry thing went down and to both of our surprise, I handled myself like a champion expressing knowledge of positions and the power of my strength. It turned her on severely... both hands above her head, me restraining them at the wrists... I was on my love making grind, not on vacation yet, but putting in WORK! :c)

You see, Rockstar is an alien. We are kindred spirits who found each other in this lifetime. Separated by age and circumstance we made an agreement not to kiss or go all the way.
I am not ready to walk towards the isle as her life partner and, there is this nagging 5 footer who I admit, has me by the balls and soul...Rockstar calls her my, "Beloved."

Intense feelings for Rockstar yes. Sewing seeds, maybe sure. Developing a unique friendship, mos def. Feaning to finish what we started, not so much. I left 110% satisfied... like I'd had the best night of lovemaking of my life..question is : was it with my Rockstar or my beloved? Only time will tell what Love has in store for me...for now, this little moment of time, this morning is called happiness. And I am in pursuit. :c)