everything.

i want to tell her everything. what a feeling i keep stowed away! i want to tell her everything. so, she'll know who she's dealing with. so she can appreciate me. i want to tell her everything. as i try to understand myself, i want to share the incredible things i find. i want to tell her everything. like the open mic i need when those really strong feelings emerge. i want to tell her everything. but this silence makes words seem superfluous, extra... i want to tell her everything. i seek a best friend. i want to tell her everything and have it be our secret. i want to tell her everything and she listens intently. and what she is told, she remembers. she will touch me lightly with her concern for me. she will be my biggest team player. she will be my first resource and strongest defense... she brings me peace and joy.

i want to tell her everything.

i want her to be pleased with me. i want her to challenge me with her love. i want her to make me better. i want her to laugh with me. i want her to be happy. i want our times apart to be as revealing as our times together. i want our smarts to allow us to begin our exploration of life's grandest joys after we feel like it can't get any better. i want our best to make a difference in the lives of others. i want us to dance well together. i want us to learn together and to one day participate in the grand experiment of parenthood. i want us to be kind to our friends, family, and bond. i want us to crush what we thought love was with wings away from what it isn't. i want us to be ... who God designed us to be.

humanly everything.

frustr8teD

I wonder if sex will change everything. Of course I want it to make our bond stronger, but will it deprive us of that supernatural desire? I am adjusting to being an adult with this final frontier still in the balance. To be or not to be, lovers. I am aware of my body and that nothing is forever, including having a good person in your life. Call this my spring fever, moreso than actually going out there and doin it, yet...

For me I 've lightly been asking the Universe for relief and I've gotten exactly what I've needed: some attention and the mindset that I am NOT being overlooked by special sistas. But, I'm still celibate!

It's nice to see ya out there still hopeful to engage in good conversation. I am loving myself more by the day and being appreciated by others helps. My fear is of the Lord and of not being fully appreciated by a female partner. I have a feeling I won't compromise my way of treating others, but am close to taking advantage of opportunities if presented. I believe those who want to be close to me deserve something, especially if I'm diggin them. I can't help being a giving person. People NEED help. On that tip I've been helping myself. Getting good grades and on the home stretch for my couple of classes prior to applying to grad school. Feels like I desreve a vacation of sorts...and boy do I like affection (a good kiss is my threesome!).

Also, i've been drinking water, by the bottle, by the pack...

On a weird note I got bit by a dog this past weekend in Newport News. I was there on a brief stop in VA before driving up to Maryland where I was to speak at a friend from Hampton's wedding. The dog bit me on my left forearm. We were in the lobby of a brand new apartment building, quite a public place, quite a leashed dog, and no prior warning in the form of a bark or snarl. Ouch! I went to the doctor and was given a tetanus shot. I may have to sue or settle out of court... My Harvard Law graduate cousin should provide some base advise as how to best handle the situation.

**on a great note, my poetic selection for the wedding made the groom shed tears b/c of its artistry :c)

For now I've got plenty of studying to do this weekend and a show tonight...legs already broke folks, see ya!

ReceDing

Accepting greatness in your life does not come with cruise controls. Living to a certain personal ideal means moving while others don't, and remaining still in chaos. As I age, I find more reasons to love myself...for being myself. At times, normalcy seems very attractive. But, of course being anything but yourself will lead to major issues down the road. I take pride in living and loving as I do, which is quite freely. There are indeed times when I'm able to channel my energy and complete "tasks." Though free-spirited, I do enjoy working to satisfy my soul. Being me, involves focusing my passion and when "work" is involved aligning my passion and my progress make for a very hard working me and dedication to a career.
This is why I've chosen physical therapy as a career goal. It allows me to remain in service to humanity and to earn the respect from this world that I deserve. I find my own ways of remaining open to this type of "assisting" energy. It guides me and as such, I've become quite an emotional sponge for others. That added to the fact that I feel greatly under appreciated by some people, self-denial, and falling in the Cancer astrological sign are making my hair thin.

I must decide in my 20s if I will make use of Rogaine or some god-forsaken goo to make my hair grow back... I don't like that idea. whatever happens, happens.

Beautiful life, I thank you for sparing us for this long. I thank you for keeping watch over us and enabling us to try to get better. Thank you for agitating us when we revert. Thank you for allowing us to think, get confused, and still have to make decisions. Thank you for giving us issues, that we might seek You still. Thank you for help from other human when it is needed. Thank you for making us each individuals. Thank you for designing us to grow. Thank you for giving us just what we need, even if it makes us temporarily uncomfortable. Thank you for times of joy, peace, and happiness.

I've reached a point I must be ready for. The meeting of a new friend. What will I make of what I've started. Part of me is ok...what's done is done and will remain. Then part of me doesn't want any new friends...well kinda. And yet still, I accept this person as worthy as any other. So, do I feel weird. Not really, just want to enjoy life as I should. Oh yeah, I actually got jealous of that L.A.N. you showed up with at the party. Kinda funny that he looked lame, but whatever... it worked.

The Lord Bless You

Just like that. And the wind returned and the shade came, and the stars were yet aligned...and here is more of a notion of thanks than I can imagine. This morning my family returned. Kam showed mad love. And She. And She. And She was there. And I was so happy. And she was happy. And the spring is coming, residing in our hearts evermore. I am in the Body. I love my inturnship at Grady. Today one of the staff members (a PT Tech) noticed my stern demeanour and spoke of relaxing. If she only knew..how serious this is... She did. She spoke of the cool. She spoke of claiming my victory. And I felt humbled by her love. She reminded me that The Lord wouldn't bring me this far to leave me stranded. And I do not feel abandoned. I am a man. I am a good man. I am preparing for the greatness that awaits me... I have "thought lines" on my forehead. I do not think they will go away. We must be stimulated...focused. Goal oriented...I've never been called that but in the arena of PT I AM. I AM I AM IAM. WE ARE HERE to LIBERATE OUR PEERS ... I'm so glad to find myself in you! I am reminded of working with JusTAR on the early stages of THE BLACK HOLIDAY... that's my brotha... dancin champ! LB I gotz luv for ya miss... may Steve treat you as you should be...color is irrelevent. And to my friend who walks amongst the pin stripes and patience, passion, and perserverence: I love you. I am honored to know you. I am thankful to have met you. I want to be there for you as you deserve... I am happy. I am excited. I am working on myself to be the man I am to be...if I am not that person yet. This stage asks much of us and it is working out. How can I not dwell in praise and worship? How can I not sing? As I type...there are still things I cannot express in words. And for that I am peaceful.


you touch my face from afar and I thank you for your kindness. You cherish me through distance and I reciprcate. May the Lord Bless and Keep you, and give you Peace.

Boughetto

boo-jet'-oh : having or exhibiting the qualities of both sophisticated snobbery and urban aptitude as prescribed by psycho-social adaptations to impoverished conditions.
DJ Boughetto in tha HOUSE! in html code "Bold" is expressed as strong ;c) lol!


African American by name suggests a dual nature in the individual ascribing to such a title. My latest bright idea is an anthropological, sociological, and psychological study of the double consciousness of today's Black person in America.

I recall my first class on African American History. There was considerable time spent on the first day of class as to what the course should be called. Be it Negro History? Black History? Afro American History? African American History? Or solely American History?

Carter G Woodson suggests in a study of the contributions such persons of African decent in the history of America, one should justly consider American History in total and highlight the "Black Soul" (DuBois reference) as a part of the mass matriculation of ideas, ideals, business, cultural, scientific, artistic, and spiritual entity we know as America.

Today, the afro-rock / afro - punk aesthetic is at the height of both fashion forward trendsetters and the urban authentic. Really, the boughetto soul is pop-cultures new "in," with desirable traits of globally accessible cultures being accepted by many influential persons. For example: Skull and Cross Bones of "Biker" culture are rampantly presented in urban fashion and in turn have made its way to tie-collections in big name department stores. Also, the "rocker," as always championed by an astute minority of Black folks is now the progressive ideal of both hip hoppers like Lupe Fiasco and Pharell Williams, as evidenced by their "skater" styles of presentation. Certainly Jimi Hendrix, Buddy Guy, and Miles Davis were rockers. But, is Lenny Kravitz thought of as a rock and roll purist or a "black rocker." And, most importantly Why?

Also products of Eastern Schools of thought i.e. Feng Shui, Yoga, and Kama Sutra, and Karma are as household in America as Taco Bell. But before ordering your next bell grande (spanglish) consider your comfort level and think about the last time you saw a Mexican person in a Taco Bell. I have not done an ample study of Tack Bell Patronage, but think for yourself... observe, if you still eat there, if you pass by...

Also, Bob Marley has somehow been accepted among "hip" white kids as a hero of reggae music. The same reggae music chanting down babylon to which many of their fathers perpetuate to afford the luxurious of Caribbean Vacations, etc. In the same, the well travelled are exposed to cultural diversity in immersion and form positively beneficial bonds with those they encounter. Cultural super-information high way, the global market, and the intra-personal communicative devices are all awakened by those with time, means, and reason to travel.

Of course, the McDonaldization of the planet is one possible downfall of leaving your greasy finger-prints where you go, but this is our FastFood Nation, right?

For the sake of argument let us consider the Caucasian male as the "dominant person," though genetics may suggest otherwise. The American system and structure of power is a well practiced, planned, and executed machine of enterprise and influence, to say the least. The African American, once "introduced" to notions of freedom from the oppressive forces of TransAtlantic Slavers was thrust by square pegs and told to fit into the round hole of American life, the very life denied, outlawed, and lethally barred from his psyche as a bonded person. The shit hit the fan. Assimilation was a long-desired gift of freedom, while some shunned notions of appealing to the oppressor when given choice.

Such was the case of Maroon colonies in the mountains of Jamaica, where the roots of Rastafari emerged from the Motherland after coursing under millions of square miles of Atlantic Ocean. This group rejected British ideals of the "well-groomed" citizen and the lifestyles and practices of European culture. In the mountains they were free to commune with nature, eat healthily (ITAL), and your favorite...partake of ganja.

For the Black person in America today, post-Rodney King...some learned individuals would rather be classified as "American," part of the stew, than be distinguished by means of ethnic heritage. Such notions are self-defeating as naturally, you are American by virtue or vice of birth, but still deny your personal legacy of history and cultural influence in America, who to this day stomachs, if even upset, the "Negro Problem," its culturally -celebrated - diversity, and dominant forces.

With this presidential election the full scope of a behavior and thought in a freely-associative cultural climate is exhibited. Though both are not the first of their "minority" groups to run for the highest publicly elected office in the country, the chances of either a Black Man (Jessie Jackson) or a Woman (Shirley Chisholm) filling the Command(h)er in Chief seat seems more likely than ever.

does this mean racism is over and the new-"black" or "woman" is free from oppression if the office is respectably filled? no.
does this mean the American people are changing, yes. But, the problem lies in that throughout America's glorious history it has taken this long to be in serious contention of being changed.

I have digressed. I will end early...

Being boughetto means knowing when to wear your cap backwards, and say "shieeet." as well as when to wear cuff links... we make beautiful anythings... be you. be successful and respect your elders by keeping them with you. Culture and Arts is one way, through the system of power is another. Black Women and hair. Black Passion... are on the table. What ever it takes, keep your job, but Represent, BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!

-delano 5 on the Black Hand Side
\

ReminDeD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvo427sl2DA

That Black Rain will take away your pain..." _Shout outs to Tay Zonday
and his youtube classic "Chocolate Rain."
At this point there isn't anything for me to say or do but keep working towards my goal. It's all out there. I mean in a major way. Yesterday I was jobhunting for a part-time writing gig. And wouldn't you know it but I actually submitted some of my writing samples to her boi's blog. Now, had this been any other occasion I would be lightly impressed with the circumstances, but here and now in 2008. "God don't make no mistakes" So, I will gladly give props to The Lord for responding to my request. Again, for the umteenth time, I embrace the "house." Being in the house is a phrase used throughout hip hop's cultural lifetime. For me being in, means still connected to those you love even when separated by distance, time, anything. Deep down I'm sure she wondered how she would cope if she accepted me and for some reason I left. Don't be scared. I'm here with you always... and it's beyond text messages. Heck, I don't have to see you..we can just send text messages...and let others speak for us. but be aware, sometimes they get it wrong and you have to express yourself. I am in no rush. Take whatever time you need. This is about life. And part of me lives for you. Rather, lives for us. I am awed by God. I am grateful. I am excited. I am longing. I am content. I dream. I live. I work. I am constsntly reminded of you. Have you left? Will you ever leave? From this vantage point. I can't imagine forgetting about this stage of my life. I really want to be completely honest with you. But, as you see, when expressing oneself things can get messy and the boldness we cherish explodes in an emotional firestorm. I am fortunate to have it occur outside the arena of intimacy. For this my body aches in sight of you. And my demands wane. I can ask nothing of you. Save yourself... and we will speak again. In its simplest form I want to be your best friend...at least one of them and you lover, and your dance partner, and your occasional chef. Beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axjx7CgMsxw

a safe Distance

She needs space, so I've got to give it up. You never have to say goodbye. Been in this life together for so long. I've got to come on strong. But when Its time to depart, know there is a place for you, safely secured in my heart.

I suck at song writing... practice.

-delano :c)

applieD focus

how about this...

the one solid university connect i've acquired is at Beloved's undergraduate institution. boasting of a solid new program with excellent facilities this sounds like a good look for me. now after my last stunt I tried to avoid even looking westward, but one. of my early collaborative therapists knows the program director and is setting up a meet and greet.

at this stage, being about 9 months prior to applying, I am excited! my goal is within sight and i'm focused towards accomplishing all I've set out to do in the world of physical therapy.

of course, i don't want to send the wrong message...about being too "puppy-like," lap-doggin my way through life's corridors, but it may be the one for me. we'll see.

-d